I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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