His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
