I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
