She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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