I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
