The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize