Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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