Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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