Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
