Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
