Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
