I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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