pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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