She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize