She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
