guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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