Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
