yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
