im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize