I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
