Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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