I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
