then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
foreskin is a definite game changer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
