i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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