Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
