watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
