so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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