he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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