Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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