video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
