We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
