Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
