she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
