i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
