saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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