We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
