don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
