You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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