Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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