I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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