bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Rumble strips road head = magical
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
