Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
