and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MIDGETS
????
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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