you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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