Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
