omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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