at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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