he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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