and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
