it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize