it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
