Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
