capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize