..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
