wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You need a sexual gate keeper
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
