If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
