So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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