his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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