just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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