Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
