whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
