Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
