Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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