dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
