So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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