he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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