Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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