You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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