Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
