I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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