I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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