Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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