Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
