No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize